[15 October 2023]: "Primitive Hypertext" — (possibly) broken toe; weak membranes; abstracting genocide; hauntings; gummy language; touching moss; harvest time
(possibly) broken toe; weak membranes; abstracting genocide; hauntings; gummy language; touching moss; harvest time
Bismillah. We begin everything with the name of Allah. We say Bismillah to initiate an act to acknowledge the intention and the ethics we carry with all that follows Bismillah.
This is part of the newsletter's “Primitive Hypertext” (Octavia Estelle Butler) strand.
An annotated list of five things I’ve read/seen/heard and want to share. [weekly: every Sunday] Read more about the changes in the newsletter rhythm here.
Hiya!
I did not get a lot of reading time in this week. I was scared, angry, and hopeless about what is unfolding. Please donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, support the work of Jewish Voice for Peace, and keep sending up du’a. When my anxiety soars, I retreat to calming organizational activities. Thus far, I have ISBN-scanned almost 1,000 of my books in my personal library to create a home lending library. In a haze of grief, I lost my wallet. Then, I dropped a shelf on my foot, and I am certain I broke a toe, and if not that, whatever it is makes walking difficult without a limp. I don’t know if I have experienced depression like this before, but it is heavy here. When I think I have a moment of respite, I am reminded that while I am resting, people are dying; while I am drinking hot coffee, kids are without electricity. The membrane that should separate me and the rest of the world is weak and compromised — thinning almost like wet rice paper. I feel it all.
Like Feist, I feel it all. This tragic dysregulation means I feel things so deeply that sometimes there is physical pain in my shoulder blades, the bottom of my belly, and the back of my throat. I was like this as a child – “hypersensitive” and “over feeling.” I have been thinking that maybe it is not hypersensitivity as much as it is a normal reaction to ongoing dehumanization and gaslighting; I [over]feel to compensate for the lack of feeling I witness. I do not desire the comfort of non-intimacy. I am here. Somedays, it feels like a fly wading in the thickness of syrup – wings sticky, matted, and useless. On other days, I feel hopeful and buoyant. I sent a message to a friend working earnestly to mobilize folks and to call for a ceasefire: “I know you do not do this for thanks, but thank you, and I love you for the sake of Allah.” Not all of us can be outside; I am thankful to those who can.
There are no annotations this week, just the links. I am holding on to being on schedule but giving myself some grace to return to bed.
Samudzi, Zoé. “Against Genocide: An Introduction.” The Funambulist. August 31, 2021.
Mudede, Charles Tonderai. “Who Haunts?” E-Flux. September 2023.
Stern, Eleanor. “Folk Etymologies.” The New Inquiry. June 22, 2023.
Azad, Nikita. “A touch of moss.” Aeon. September 18, 2022.
Harvest Time, Pharoah Sanders (1976)
Thank you for reading,
Kameelah 👽
Finally, while I do not organize my finances around paid newsletter subscriptions, wouldn’t it be cool if this wee little newsletter could allow me to take quarterly self-imposed writing retreats? Consider getting a one-year membership at $70 USD :)
How to cite this newsletter: Rasheed, K. (Year, Month Day). Newsletter Title. I Will (?) Figure This All Out Later. URL
Sending love and prayers your way. I’m sorry to hear about your foot but I’m beside you with unbearable grief. A terrible moment for us all it seems.